don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
