Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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