it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
