there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
