how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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