I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
