A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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