At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
