Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
