i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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