im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
