You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
