Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
