Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
