He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
