I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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