SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
