How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
