Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
