really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
