i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
