i just google imaged poop.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm passing your future prison.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
