are you so shy because you have an std?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he just fucked me for my cheese.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
