Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
