I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
