so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
