also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
