my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
