So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Panties = found
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
