I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
