My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
