you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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