Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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