i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
