is your mom at the bar?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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