He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
