I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
