She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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