He is an equal opportunity slut.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
