dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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