dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
