life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
