I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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