OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
