yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
