Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
