I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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