I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
