Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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