No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
