its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
