You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
