come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
