ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
