he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
