You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
