An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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