I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
